Afraid
by KoliMouse
Summary: "Yeah." Olivia bit her lip and looked up at Noah playing. "The funny thing is, I've never been happier." Her voice laced with tears. Rated for content. Please Read & Review! Enjoy!


**New story, because this was in my head and I couldn't focus on Meditation until I wrote it. Picks up in the park at the end of _Terrorized_ , and goes from there. Lyrics are to _Iris_ by The Goo Goo Dolls. I own nothing you recognize.**

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 _"Long week," Ed surmised when he found her in the park with Noah._

 _"Yeah." Olivia bit her lip and looked up at Noah playing. "The funny thing is, I've never been happier." Her voice laced with tears, apprehension bubbling up in her stomach. Her eyes cast downward at the ground._

 _Ed tuned her towards him and bent his knees to see her eyes. "Then why are you crying?" Ed hated to see her cry, if he could help it a smile would always be on her face._

 _Olivia swallowed hard and looked up, over his shoulder. "Because I'm afraid it won't last," the truth spilled out of her before she could stop it, and for the first time she didn't want to stop it. But in her life, happiness never lasted long. She was afraid this was a repeat of everything else that's ever happened in her life._

 _Ed's hands still rested on her waist. "That's not gonna happen. Not if I can help it." She stared at him after he spoke, stunned. This was the same man that for years she hated, and had grown to care so deeply for. He pushed her hair back and a small smile graced her lips. "Come on, let's take a walk, it's a beautiful day." He started walking backwards and her eyes stayed on his as her body pressed against his as he moved, before breaking apart. They each grabbed one of Noah's hands and started walking down the path._

They walked for a while, stopping every once in a while to look at something. Ed kissed the side of her head, now and then and she leaned into him. As they walked her smile grew bigger and bigger. By the time the sun started to set they were close to her apartment, and so they headed there to have dinner and get Noah to bed. Once they were inside, Ed looked at Olivia. "Thanks for walking with me."

She bit her bottom lip and looked into his eyes. "Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you for making me so happy." She kissed his lips innocently, forcing herself to pull away while Noah was awake.

He smiled and moved his lips to her ear, his hands on her waist. "Tease," his voice was low and gravelly and sent a shiver through her body.

"Later," she responded with a giggle, gently pushing on his chest, winking at him.

The adults decided on Italian for dinner, getting Noah a dish of pasta, light on the tomato sauce. They ate dinner together and laughed. They shared the duty of bath time, getting Noah ready for bed. Once he was down for the night Olivia walked into her bedroom to find Ed. "Hey," she smiled and walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Ed's hand rested his hands on her hips. "Hey yourself."

Olivia grinned and rested her forehead against his, "Now, for what I wanted to do in the park," she kissed him hard, resting her hand on the back of his neck, gently playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

He pulled away softly, holding her away from him slightly. Seeing the mix of questioning, dejection, and hurt in her eyes he kissed her temple. "I want to talk to you Liv."

She nodded and moved away from him, her arms crossing in front of her chest. "Yeah," she looked at the floor.

Ed moved towards her. "Hey, don't do that. I'm not going anywhere. But this is what I want to talk about. You think the worst, baby."

Olivia took a deep breath. "It's all I know, Ed. I've shown you things, told you things I've never shared with anyone else. It terrifies me that one day you're going to realize I'm more trouble than I'm worth. Everyone else has," she sniffled a little and looked at the floor, feeling his hands on her arms.

He pulled her to his chest. "Olivia," he whispered. "I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. And I never want you to think that you being the beautiful woman you are is a bother, or a burden that I'm going to get tired of. I don't know how anyone could get tired of you," he kissed the top of her head.

She rested her head on his chest. "You put up with my demons, I don't know how you do it. I get tired of putting up with them sometimes." She wrapped her arms around him. "You know what I realized?" She asked softly.

Ed gently swayed with her. "What's that?"

Olivia smiled and looked up into his eyes, "You're one of the only constants I've had in my life over the past decade and a half. Granted for most of that time we were arch nemeses." She winked and kissed him softly. "Never in a million years did I ever think we'd be here. You, by my side regardless of everything, finding me sexy, even with the… Scars," she took a deep breath. "Had I known how incredible you were then, this may not have taken so long."

He smiled. "Liv, of course you're sexy. Those scars, they prove you survived. I know that the scars you have go deeper than the skin, but you're still here, and I can't tell you how happy that fact makes a lot of people. Myself included." He kissed her lips softly. "As for me being this incredible, well… I wasn't. You, Olivia Margaret Benson, have made me a better man, made me want to be a better man. The man I was back then didn't deserve you."

She smiled and kissed him again. "But you do now," she smiled as she spoke against his lips.

Ed shook his head. "I could be the best man on the planet and I still wouldn't deserve you."

Olivia took his hands and looked into his eyes. "You are the best man on the planet, and I think you sell yourself short."

He pulled her hands up to his lips and kissed them. "It's been a long end to a long week, how about a bath?"

She moved closer to him, closing any space left between them. "Only if you join me."

Ed smirked. "I think that could be arranged. How about you get the bath going and I'll get some wine, we can play a little music and just relax?"

Olivia smiled and shook her head. "I don't think I'll ever get used to, or tired of, romantic Ed Tucker, as long as I live. But before you go get wine," she stopped and started to kiss him again, running her fingers over his arms, letting out a soft moan before she pulled away. "Meet you in there," she whispered against his lips and winked, sauntering into the bathroom, looking over her shoulder at him.

Ed was quick in his task of getting the glasses of wine, and walked into the bathroom to see her pouring a bit of bubble bath under the running stream of water. He put her hands on her hips after putting the wine down. "Almost ready?" he asked in a whisper.

Olivia grinned and stood up, turning in his arms. "Bubbles in, bath salts in and dissolved, we just need to get out of these clothes and choose the music." She kissed under his chin and rested her head on his chest. After a few more moments she reached over and turned the water off before moving back into Ed's arms. "Now, where were we?" she asked in a whisper before bringing her lips to his in a soft, passionate kiss.

He grinned and kissed her back, slipping her blazer off her shoulders. She moved her arms to let the blazer fall to the floor. She untied his tie and pulled it off his shirt. He broke the kiss and ran his hands over her bare arms. "Music?" he whispered.

She smiled and kissed him softly. "You pick," she said gently.

Ed put his phone in the iHome in the bathroom and went through his songs and settled on Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls. He found her lips again as they continued to peel layers of clothing off one another.

Olivia pulled away as the words of the song permeated the intimate moment between herself and her boyfriend.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Or the moment of truth in your lies

When everything feels like the movies

Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

Ed noticed her apprehension and rested a hand on her shoulder. "You okay?"

Olivia looked into his eyes then looked down at her body, at the scars that riddled her breasts, her upper thighs, her hips, her abdomen, then back at him.

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's meant to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

Olivia took a deep breath. "This…" she shook her head. "This song. It's… I'm sorry," she whispered shaking her head, feeling him pull her body towards him. She fell into his arms and felt her tears fall out of her eyes.

He rubbed her back. "Hey, talk to me," he whispered.

She wiped her eyes. "I never thought I'd find anyone to love me, not before Lewis, and certainly not after, with what he did to me," she bit her bottom lip and she shook her head. "Ed," she let out a breath, with a sob hot on the heels of it. "God I love you," she said and kissed him again.

Ed pulled away and kissed her temple. "I love you, too, Olivia. Regardless of what he did to you, just like this song says, I got to know you, the real you, because you let me in. And I thank God, a God I didn't believe in anymore until the first night I kissed you, every day that you've allowed me in, that you let your walls down."

Olivia nodded. "I know you hate this topic, but I thought Brian was my last chance."

He stopped her, "Liv—"

She put her fingers over his lips. "Shh, let me finish. When Cragen left, he talked about how Eileen was his Hail Mary. I thought that relationship was mine. But I held onto who he was thirteen years before that. And now, standing here in your arms, as you look at my marred skin, knowing the innermost, darkest secrets that my mind and my heart hold, and not seeing anything but ME… Ed, YOU are my Hail Mary," she whispered and kissed him passionately.

Ed kissed her back and rested his hands on her hips. "You're amazing."

Olivia shook her head. "That's you," she ran her hands down his chest, kissing him softly. She smiled and pulled away softly. "How about a song that doesn't make me want to cry, and then we enjoy this bath. And… celebrate?" she proposed with the quirk of an eyebrow. "The end of a long week."

He pulled her close and kissed her again and rested his hands on either side of her face. He felt her melt into him and heard her let out a moan into his mouth.

Her hands ran down his back, pushing his boxers off his hips, her hand finding him, starting to stroke him slowly, letting out a groan. No matter how many times she saw him, how many times she felt him, she'd never get over how big he was.

Ed pulled back and rested his forehead on hers. "Jesus Christ, Liv," he whispered.

Olivia grinned and kissed his neck. "Something tells me this bath water is going to be cold before we get in it," she whispered in his ear, gently nibbling on his earlobe.

He seethed and ran his hands to her back, unhooking her bra, which made her take her hand off his girth as it fell to the ground. Once her bra was off he took her breast in his mouth, running his tongue around her nipple before pushing her panties off her hips and running his fingers over her wet folds, which caused her to shudder.

Olivia moved her hand and walked over to the iHome, opening the Pandora app on Ed's phone, feeling him behind her, palming her ass. She groaned in response and did her best to stay focused on her task of putting on a station that matched their mood. She scrolled to the station called 'Beats Between the Sheets'. She turned around and kissed him again before she broke the kiss and caressed his face. "Make love to me, Ed. The way only you can," she whispered and ran her fingers over his lips.

Ed smirked and kissed her lips softly, bringing the music into the bedroom before going into the bathroom and picking her up and looked into her eyes. "Always," he said as he laid her on the bed.

She looked up at him and caressed his face, cradling him in her legs. She thrust her hips up, she needed to feel him. He ran his fingers through her folds and pushed two inside her and her back arched. "God, Ed, please. I want you inside me."

He put a finger on his free hand over her lips. "I'm making love to you the right way. It's not going to be fast, I'm going to be sure every nerve ending you have in your body is on fire."

Olivia's breath started to speed up and she closed her eyes. "Please just do something then."

Ed smirked and kissed every inch of her skin on her torso as his fingers moved tantalizingly slow inside of her. He met his fingers, but instead of joining them, he kissed her inner thighs, nipping at the skin softly, watching her squirm to get him to move faster. "Easy," he whispered and started rubbing her clit in slow, circular motions with his thumb.

Her back arched clear off the bed, and her eyes screwed shut, throwing a pillow over her face to catch her screams so she didn't wake her son.

He smirked and kissed back to her core, slowly pulling his fingers from her, hearing her groan at the absence. He brought his fingers to his lips and gently sucked them clean of her juices. She peeked out from the pillow and watched him, squealing when she felt his lips wrap around her clit, a hand running back to hold his head in place. "Shit," she seethed and pushed her hips into his face.

Ed smirked and moved, pushing his tongue inside her, his dinners slowly rubbing her clit as she writhed beneath him. "Come on baby," he whispered against her, moving back so his mouth was on her. He heard her whimper, muffled by the pillow, slowly building from a whimper to a scream before going silent as her body contracted and released with her orgasm.

Olivia moved the pillow, her breath heavy. "Jesus baby," she whispered and jerked when she felt his touch. She pulled him to her lips and kissed him passionately. He groaned as he kissed her back, his hands kneading her breast gently. She broke the kiss and moved her lips to his ear. "Please. I want you baby. Please," she begged.

He smirked and kissed her neck softly. "You ready?" he asked in a whisper.

She looked into his eyes and reached down between them and stroked him, her mouth opening slightly in a silent moan. "Ed, please," she whispered.

Ed leaned down and kissed her passionately, pulling her leg up around his waist before pushing into her slowly, capturing her moan with his mouth. He took his time to settle totally inside her before he broke the kiss to look down at her. "Good?" he asked her softly.

Olivia's eyes met his, both drunk on passion and pleasure. "Amazing," she whispered and caressed his face. "But my God, Ed, I need you to move," she said and ran her hands down to his ass, giving a gentle squeeze as she bucked her hips up to meet his.

He let out a grunt with a smirk on his face. "Impatient, are we?"

She playfully glared at him. "I swear to God if you don't start moving I'm taking control."

Ed started teasing her, kissing her neck, gently biting the one spot he knew would get her going. She let out a groan and flipped them over. He looked up at her, slightly shocked, but highly turned on.

Olivia smirked down at him. "I told you," she whispered. She leaned over him and kissed him passionately and started moving her hips against his, grinding against him, letting out a gentle moan, biting on his lower lip.

He rested his hands on her hips and broke the kiss, groaning. "You're so sexy when you're in control," he seethed.

She grinned and sat up straight, starting to mover herself up and down over him, letting out soft moans as her hips changed direction, feeling him hit a sensitive spot inside her, she groaned and fell forward, her hands landing on his chest. "Oh fuck," she whispered and moved harder and faster.

Ed groaned and started moving his hips to meet hers, which sent her into a frenzy. His head pushed back into the pillow and he gripped her hips tighter. "Come on Liv. Come with me."

Olivia gasped and leaned down, kissing his lips once again as she let out a high pitched moan, turned scream, her walls contracting around him, milking him as she felt his release inside of her. She broke the kiss and let out a moan, louder than usual, but thankfully not loud enough to wake her son. Once they finished, she fell on top of him and sighed. "Jesus Christ," she whispered.

He smiled and rubbed her back, moving her hair out of her face. "You're so beautiful," he whispered to her, kissing the top of her head. He felt her smile against his chest.

"Thank you," she whispered, feeling tears well up in her eyes.

"For what?" Ed asked, hoping to get her to look at him.

Olivia moved her head up, a small smile on her face. "I'm so in love with you, Ed Tucker. I was so afraid for so long to let myself feel this, because it's so new, and because I didn't want to get hurt again. But you… you're not like the others. I haven't felt this way before, and I think there's a reason for that."

He caressed her face and searched her eyes. "Why's that?"

She felt the tears start to slip down her face. "Because you feel the same way. You want what I want. Because this, the two of us, we were meant to end up like this all along," she whispered and looked down at him. "No other time either of us has tried to be in a relationship, with anyone else, has it lasted. But we had to be the people we were, we had to go through the pain and the heartache, so we could find each other. This is fate." She smiled and felt his thumb wipe her tears away.

Ed kissed her softly. "God, you're amazing. Every last inch of you, every fiber of your being, is so perfect."

Olivia smiled and nuzzled into his touch. "I love you, Ed."

He smiled. "I love you, too."

She giggled a little. "I'm sorry. It's just… you're the first person to not pull the 'I love you more' routine."

Ed kissed her forehead. "I don't have to. I know you know how much I love you. Just like I know how much you love me."

Olivia bit her bottom lip and smiled. "Noah loves you, too, you know."

He smiled back at him. "I love the little guy too. Like he's my own."

She looked at him in amazement and kissed him hard. "You are literally everything I've ever wanted and more."

Ed looked up at her and reached over to the nightstand on his side of the bed and pulled out a ring. She gasped. "Breathe." He smiled. "I want my ring on my girl," he whispered.

Olivia looked at the ring and then at him. "Is that—?"

Ed looked at her. "No, it's not an engagement ring. Not yet. And I promise, when I do propose it'll be more romantic than this. This is a ring so you know I'm not going anywhere. You have my heart. We don't have to rush into this, Liv. Let's take our time and when the time is right, I'll ask. But right now, I want you to be at ease and know that I'm not leaving."

She smiled, tears in her eyes and held her hand out. "Put it on my finger," she whispered.

He looked at her, amazed. "Yeah?"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Yes, you dork. Put the ring on my finger." She giggled as she felt the ring slip on her finger, and she stopped. "I want you to know I'm not going anywhere either."

Ed kissed her finger above the ring. "It looks beautiful on your hand."

She nodded. "You done good, baby."

He kissed her lips softly. "Now…" he kissed her again and flipped her back over. "Should we go back to that bath, warm it up?"

Olivia laughed again and kissed the tip of his nose. "It's almost midnight."

Ed shrugged. "Figured we could both use a little cleaning up. Plus, I want you to see the ring by candle light."

She smiled and nuzzled his nose. "Let's go," she whispered.

 **A/N: Thanks for reading this! I know it was long, but I couldn't figure out where to stop. If you liked it let me know! Maybe I'll continue? If the inspiration hits? But as of now, this is merely a one-shot! Leave me a review, here or on Twitter ( mariskaxcouric).**


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